第二十二章 回北京

清晨五点多,Roger挂了张燕电话以后,拿起身边的烟灰缸朝地上狠狠地砸去。他脸气得通红,刚刚长好的头皮也通红,几条青筋在激烈地跳动。

Roger妈妈吓坏了,马上过去安慰儿子,使劲摩挲他的背,嘴里喃喃道:“It's OK,It's OK.Calm down baby,you are OK.”(好了,好了。冷静一下,没事儿的。)

Roger抿着嘴,Roger妈妈能听见儿子气得咬牙切齿,在她的安慰下,Roger终于长叹一口气。

“What happened?”(怎么啦?)妈妈问。

“I called her cell,she is actually in New York,did not come to see me,and even worse,used me as an excuse to come to New York with her boy toy to have an affair.Mom,what kind of person does that?”(我刚给她打电话,她在纽约,不仅不理我,不来看我,还以看我为借口带着小情人到纽约来玩。她怎么能是这样的人?)

“She is selfish.”(她自私。)Roger妈妈说。

“I am sorry,Mom,”Roger说着起身去厨房拿笤帚去扫掉满地的玻璃碴,“I am sorry,this was dad's favorite ashtry.”(对不起,妈妈,这是爸爸最喜欢的烟灰缸。)

“It's OK,darling,He quit smoking two years ago.”(没事儿,他两年前就戒烟了。)

妈妈看着儿子把地上的玻璃碴扫干净,拿着簸箕过去,接过笤帚,对儿子说:“Learn to not care about people who do not care about you.”(学会不要在乎那些不在乎你的人。)Roger妈妈顺手捡起来那封中文信,和碎玻璃一起扔进垃圾桶,不可回收的那个。

张燕回到酒店,暴风雨过去了,是一个明朗的早上,她匆忙收拾行李,走进洗手间,发现丁强从国内穿过来的T恤衫还晾在浴缸上面。不管张燕怎么说,丁强坚持自己洗衣服,就是不把脏衣服送给酒店去处理,也不管张燕给他置办多少名牌,这件破T恤衫只要是干净的,他总是穿这一件衣服。张燕知道这都是丁强对她的挑衅,表示他的各种不满,他不稀罕张燕给他的物质刺激。

张燕想起来有点生气,把衣服扯下来,但是并不准备带走。她把丁强的护照和衣服叠好,放在一个纸袋里面。然后她写了一张字条给丁强:

强:

我先走了,是老陈让我走的,私自调查案件是不允许的。我不想给家人找麻烦。你昨天晚上真的不该出去,那么大雨,我等了你一夜。我把票换好了,今天下午国航回北京的航班,你回来拿了护照就直接来机场吧。或者你告诉前台给你叫车,去JFK airport,Terminal 1(肯尼迪机场,1号航站楼)。

我们飞机上见,或者北京见!

写完以后,张燕吻了一下丁强的T恤衫。她相信丁强会回酒店找她,她下楼找到前台,特别提醒他们如果丁强回来,把东西交给他。还嘱咐了一句:他英文不行,最好让他先看自己写的中文纸条。

老陈下了飞机就直奔现场了,长岛这个小镇已经被这件事情闹翻了,本来这里是个安静的地方。大部分人是技术人员,肯尼迪机场的工程师、水电供应局的质量检查员等等,不少已经退休了,大家都在警察拉的黄线外面目瞪口呆地望着海滩。小镇居民可以看见沙滩上躺着的人,有的已没有任何生命迹象,有的还在动,看见在动的,大家都会呼唤救护人员去急救。老陈到的时候,活着的都已经被救护人员拉走了。沙滩上只剩下尸体了。

“Hey,you must be Chen.I am Lesley,NYPD.”(嗨,你一定是陈,我是莱斯利,纽约警察。)一位中年警官过来跟老陈握手。

“Hello,Lesley,I am Chen,from Interpol.What can we do to help?”(你好,莱斯利,我是陈,国际刑警。有什么需要我帮忙的?)老陈问。

“Well,we are going to need help identifying the people from the boat.”(嗯,我们需要帮忙确定船上人的身份。)

“I am on asignment from the Chinese police,if you share the information with us,maybe we can do something.”(我们正在执行中国警方的任务,如果你把信息给我们,或许我们能做些什么。)老陈回答道。

海滩上的尸体都骨瘦如柴,身上的衣服破烂不堪,老陈想起他来纽约之前看的档案,萍姐这样的蛇头,要跟每个人索取3.5万美金的偷渡费,偷渡者先交订金,到了美国之后就被派到各种地方打工,工资要先偿还蛇头的费用,之后才可以挣钱,当然也只能拿到最低工资。他想起那个CNN主持人说这些海滩上的尸体是为了自由偷渡到美国。“真是放屁!”老陈想,“什么他妈自由,就是因为穷!”

远处离海比较近的一个警察向他们招手:“Sir!I don't think this one is from the boat!He is wearing an Armani suit and shot in the head with a bullet.”(长官,这人看着不像是船上下来的,他穿着新的阿玛尼西装,而且是枪杀。)

老陈和Lesley警官赶过去,丁强的尸体一半还泡在海水里。他脑门上有一个大窟窿。老陈走到尸体旁边,坐下来,抱着尸体来回摇晃着说:“我害了你,孩子。我害了你,我害了你……”

“Who is he?”(这是谁啊?)Lesley问。

“One of ours,he was undercover.”(是我们的人,卧底的警察。)老陈抱着丁强冷冰冰的脑袋说,一边说一边捋着丁强的头发。

两位警官立刻低头摘下帽子。“I am so sorry,”(很遗憾,)Lesley警官说,“he is very young,we make sure he will be returned to his loved ones.”(他很年轻,我们保证他的遗体回到他亲人身边。)

两位警官正在劝老陈离开海滩,老陈的电话响了,他掏出手机,看了一眼,是张大小姐。

老陈接了电话,但是说不出来话。

“老陈吗?陈警官,你在吗?我今天下午回北京了,丁强的护照和衣服我留在酒店前台了。你找到他叫他来拿东西。”张燕的声音很轻松。

“他死啦!”老陈冲着电话喊道!一只手还在捋丁强的头发。

张燕半天没反应。

“老陈,那我走不走啊?”张燕的声音有点颤。

“走吧。你必须走。把酒店地址发给我,我去处理。”老陈长叹一口气。这个大小姐真是碰不得,爱她的男人都不得好死。老陈这时候清醒了一点,他很清楚他必须把后面的事情处理好,不能有人知道张燕和这些事情的关系,要是让外国媒体知道了,肯定又会有各种负面报道。老陈跟着那位纽约警官上了警车。

张燕对于丁强死的反应让她自己吃惊,她发现自己没有什么悲伤,只是恐惧,她突然记起来丁强好像是有家的,万一他家人知道张燕和丁强的事情,找到北京来怎么办?万一他们知道张燕的妈妈是谁,找到首长那里怎么办?万一他们告她怎么办?这些她都不会处理,但是她很犹豫是否要把事情真相告诉她妈妈。她一点不担心党小明发现她和丁强的关系,她知道他不会怎样的,可能会变本加厉地利用张燕的关系赚钱,把戴绿帽子的钱赚回来。

“我是个坏人吗?我利用了丁强吗?”她心里责问自己。但是她还是哭不出来,越哭不出来,她心里越内疚。她叹了口气,到酒店前台把她给丁强留的东西要回来,拿出了那件被丁强快洗烂了的旧T恤衫,然后把包还给前台。一个人拽着两只大箱子上了酒店门口等着她的车。

门铃响的时候,Roger靠在沙发上正在睡觉。“The door is open,just leave the food on the counter.”(门开着,把食物放在柜台上就行了。)他喊了一声,以为是他妈妈出门前给他叫的外卖。每天中午,Roger都要他妈妈从一个四川馆子给他叫麻婆豆腐和干煸四季豆,两个他最爱吃的中国菜,他说他对中国的怀念都是由他的胃完成的。

张燕听见Roger喊让进门,就轻轻地进来了,顺手把门关上。她看见沙发上躺着一个瘦小的秃头,头皮上还是粉粉的鲜肉,一块一块的,像瘌痢头。她不声不响地坐在Roger对面看着他。Roger隐约感觉到有人在屋里,而张燕的香奈儿5号又彻底暴露了她的身份,Roger妈妈不会用这么妩媚的香水,因为她的相貌已经充分表达了这一点。Roger眯着眼睛问:“Yan?Is that you?”(是你吗?张燕?)

张燕冲上去抱住他:“Roger,I am so sorry,so sorry.”(Roger,对不起,非常对不起。)

“Don't do this.”(不要这样。)Roger轻轻地把张燕推开,“What are you doing here?”(你来这儿干什么?)

“I came to see you.”(我来看看你。)张燕说。

Roger叹了口气,平静地说:“The truth,please,why are you in New York?No more lies,Yan.No more lies.”(说实话,你为什么在纽约?别再说谎了,燕。别再说谎了。)

张燕眼巴巴地看着她这位蓝颜知己,一直以来,她不想把所有真相都告诉Roger,她怕解释不清楚,她觉得告诉Roger中国人有秘密,一个外国人最好不要去打听的秘密对Roger是说不通的,何况这个美国律师的儿子像美剧里面的人物一样,对所谓“真相”穷追不舍,而且痛恨被欺骗。张燕知道,她无数次骗Roger的结果很可能是葬送了她和Roger的友情。她要把这个友情挽救回来,其实张燕比谁都清楚,她和Roger的关系早就折旧到负价值了,一个高干女儿和一个外国男同性恋搞得那么近乎,总是不伦不类的,张燕自己也搞不清楚为什么对Roger这么不舍,也许因为Roger是她过去的一部分,是她还天真烂漫的时候的朋友,也是唯一知道她和姜平那段故事的朋友。所以,她不能放弃Roger,和党小明结婚后这些年,她有时候觉得生活失真了,她经常有灵魂出窍的感觉,她觉得她不是那个张大小姐,可是原来和姜平要过日子的张燕她自己也找不到了,只是偶尔和Roger在一起的时候她能找回来一点当初的感觉。

“The truth,”(其实,)张燕不敢直视Roger,“The truth is that old police officer,Chen,the one who told me Jiang Ping is dead,has been after my husband for years.He suspected him of smuggling and money laundering.”(那个老警察,告诉我姜平死了的陈警官,调查我老公好多年了。他怀疑党小明走私、洗钱。)张燕顿了一下,看了一眼Roger,这些她以前都没有告诉过他。Roger跟他点了点头,示意让她说下去。“So according to Chen,Jiang Ping was working for the Chinese mafia in Chinatown for years,ever since we broke up.This year,for some reason,Jiang Ping wanted to come clean,to confess everything and bring down the people in the Chinese government who had been helping the Mafia in New York.So he went to the FBI who went to the Interpol and sent a message to Chen.Chen said Jiang Ping had material evidence to put a lot of powerful Chinese in jail.So they arranged to meet in China and Jiang Ping will give him the information and tell Chen what he wants in exchange.But he was killed before they even met.”(陈警官说,我和姜平分手后他就开始给唐人街的黑手党干活。不知道为什么今年姜平想自首,姜平去找了FBI,他说他有证据,还有一个名单,不仅能搞掉纽约的犯罪组织,还可以把国内政府里帮助黑帮的高官都揪出来。他让FBI的人找陈警官,陈警官说,他相信姜平的材料会让不少官员不仅掉了乌纱帽,还会坐牢。陈警官和姜平都约好了见面地点和时间,可是就在这之前,姜平被乱刀砍死了。)

“Oh my God!”(我的天哪!)Roger睁大眼睛看着张燕,“So,did Jiang Ping tell Chen that you were his ex-girlfriend?Is that how he found you?”(所以姜平告诉陈警官你是他前女友是吗?然后陈警官就找到你了?)

“No,they never talked.”(没有,他俩从来没通话。)张燕说,“When Chen found Jiang Ping's body,he found my telephone number in his pants pocket.Apparently,Jiang Ping's parents have both passed away years ago,his only relative is a cousin in Seatle.”(陈警官找到姜平的尸体,在他的裤兜里找到了我的电话号码。据说姜平父母都过世了,只有一个堂姐在西雅图。)张燕自己到厨房拿了一瓶矿泉水。

“So I went to identify Jiang Ping's body in Hebei,it was horrible.I had no idea that Ding Qiang and that Policeman Chen stayed in contact with each other.I don't know why I made love to him.It wasn't me.”(所以就叫我去河北辨认姜平的尸体,简直太恐怖了。我不知道丁强和陈警官一直有联系,我不知道我怎么会跟他做爱,那不像我做的事情。)

“Jiang Ping would have been proud of you though,”(姜平要是知道会为你感到骄傲的,)Roger说,“You finally let yourself go.”(你终于跟着感觉走了一回。)

“He would.”(他会的。)张燕终于开始为丁强哭泣了,“He looked a lot like Jiang Ping.So after you were hurt,we had no idea who did it.Except the SOS doctor said the man who called the emergency hotline left your home address and my husband's mobile number.”(丁强长得挺像姜平的。你被烫伤后,我们根本不知道是谁伤害你的。唯一线索是国际救援的医生说打电话的人留了你的地址和我老公的手机号码。)

“I know,they read the number to me and I recognized it right away.”(我知道,所以我肯定是他要害我,医生给我念了电话号码。)Roger开始明白怎么回事了。

“But it wasn't him.”(但是真的不是党小明。)张燕几乎有点歉意地说。

“I know,it was fucking Situ.”(我知道不是他干的,是司徒。)Roger咬牙切齿地说,“and I think he was just afraid that I would tell you that he is gay.”(司徒害我不至于是害怕被别人发现他是同性恋吧?)

“Really?”(会吗?)这回轮到张燕吃惊了,“But we all knew that he is gay,or at least bi.You know he runs these secret clubs where rich man go.I think my husband is a client of his.”(但是我们都知道他是同性恋,或者双性恋。你知道他是开俱乐部的吧?我觉得党小明经常去他那里。)

“So why does he want to pin this on Dang?”(难道司徒想栽赃党小明?这又是为什么啊?)Roger不由自主地摸了一下自己刚长出来的头皮。

“I am not sure,”(我也不太清楚,)张燕说,“There is some deal going down about buying a bank.Apparently,the management of the bank really does not want him to take over.But the minority shareholders,who are Dang's friends all want him to become the majority shareholder.”(也许跟党小明的一个收购有关系。他在收购一家银行,这个银行的高管不希望党小明收购,但是小股东已经决定把股份卖给他了。)

“So I am going to be bald because a homophobic asshole was trying to prevent your husband from taking over a stupid bank?”(也就是说,一个怕出柜的混蛋为了阻止你老公收购银行浇了我一头开水?敢情我成了秃子就因为这些?)

“I don't know…I don't know…”(我不知道,不知道。)张燕不知道说什么好,她心里想,她真的不知道,司徒不是好人,但是Roger也不是小孩了,他俩在一起不是她张大小姐撮合的,两个同性恋在一起互相打杀跟她有什么关系?

“You don't know?Is that all you have to say?Do you know that you hurt people who love you by protecting them?Of course you know,deep down you have always known.You know when you left Jiang Ping he would self-destruct.But you left anyway,because it's easier for you to ditch him if he was not the young up-coming art star from China!You know that's how you love,you let them die!You watch them self-destruct.And all the time,you tell yourself it's not your fault.You tried.That's how you love.That 's who you are!”(你不知道?其实内心深处你什么都明白,你以为你在保护那些爱你的人,而实际上你在伤害他们。你知道你离开姜平他会自残,但是你却忍心让他这么做,因为一旦他不是那个马上出道的著名中国艺术家了,你离开他更方便。这就是你的爱!燕!你真是爱死我们了,你看着我们自残自毁,然后你说,这一切都不是你的错,你无能为力。这就是你,张燕,你就是这样一个朋友。这就是你!)Roger喘了口气,他终于把这十几年他想说的话都倒出来了。

张燕傻了,她没想到Roger是这么判断她的,但是她知道Roger说的是对的,十几年前,她看着姜平砸毁自己的展览,只是吓得逃跑,雨中她一直在想,姜平没希望了,以后纽约没有人要他做展览了,她必须走,为了她自己和孩子。是啊,她为什么没有留在画廊拦住姜平呢?是她爱他不够多吗?而今天,丁强也死了,难道爱她的人都因为她而倒霉吗?她很想告诉Roger,他是对的,她心里什么都知道,只是不敢承认,现在丁强也死了,但是她还是不知道,姜平被乱刀砍死,Roger被司徒虐了,丁强被纽约流氓杀死,难道都和党小明有关?

“So where is your boy toy?”(你那情人呢?)Roger看来还是没消气,话语中充满了讽刺和不满。

张燕特别想告诉他,丁强已经死了,这只能说明Roger是对的,所有爱护张燕的人最后都没有好下场。但是她又突然有点紧张,Roger是个外国人,不会回中国了,她控制不了他的言论,万一他把张燕、张燕妈妈、党小明的事情都说给什么《纽约时报》,那可是天大的麻烦。这时候她的自我保护意识突然很强烈,她居然很平静地说:“He was a one night stand,Roger,I was just his cover to come to New York and look into Jiang Ping's death.Now Interpol is involved,so I can go home,now.”(我和丁强不过是一夜情,我是他来纽约调查姜平死因的掩护。现在国际刑警直接介入了,我可以回家了。)

Roger半信半疑地说:“Wait,you were his cover to come here,but didn't you say your dragged him to all the fashion shows with Meng?”(等一下,你是为丁强打掩护来的?你不是说你拽他一起跟着那个姓孟的去看时装秀吗?)

“Yes,yes.”(是的,是的。)张燕意识到她需要把自己的谎言说圆了,“He had to go because he was suppose to work for me,plus we were still kind of having sex.Now his boss,Chen,is here.He doesn't need me anymore.”(他必须跟我去时装周,因为他装成我的雇员,当然,我们还是有过几次性关系的。不过他老板陈警官来了,就没我什么事儿了。)

“Haha!”(哈哈!)Roger终于笑了,张燕知道只要说性,Roger就会开心起来。如果他不是那么开心,他会注意到张燕说最后一句话的时候,眼圈已经湿了。“I knew it,you were still having sex with him,you have that glow in your face.You little vixen,You!”(我就知道你跟他根本没断,而且还在一起干,你脸上有红扑扑的感觉。你好狡猾。)

“I should go,”(我得走了,)张燕站起来说,“I am going to miss my flight.”(要不然赶不上飞机了。)

“Wait,”(等一下,)Roger说,“there was a letter for you,I think it was actually from Jiang Ping.”(你有一封信,我觉得是姜平给你的。)

“What?!”(什么?!)张燕吃惊地问。

“Some woman delivered it here,she didn't say anything,just left it with the doorman.Didn't you say Jiang Ping had a cousin?”(一个女的送过来的,什么都没说,就把信留给楼下守门人了。会不会是姜平的堂姐?)

“Yes,a female cousin,who is a Chinese doctor in Seatle.maybe 10 years older than him.”(有可能,姜平的堂姐比他大十岁,是个中医,住在西雅图。)张燕说,“How do you know it's from Jiang Ping?”(你怎么知道是姜平的信?)

Roger很不好意思地说:“Because I opened it.I saw the signature at the bottom of the page,it exactly like his signature on his art work.I am sorry,Yan.”(因为我把信拆了,我看见签名了,我认识姜平的签名,和他作品上的一模一样。抱歉,燕。)

张燕脑子像炸了一样,姜平给她写信了?她突然太想看到这封信了,她根本没听见Roger的抱歉,她只是慌张地说:“Give me the letter,I gotta go.Please,give me the letter.”(给我信,我得走了,给我信。)

Roger在屋子里找了一圈,发现没有了。他突然想起来清晨他妈妈把他砸碎的烟灰缸扫走倒在垃圾桶里:“Oh my God,Yan,I think my mother threw it away!”(噢,天哪,燕,我想我妈妈已经给扔了。)两人同时冲到厨房的垃圾桶,张燕毫无顾忌地将垃圾大把大把掏出来,Roger也被她推开,张燕的手被玻璃碴刺破,她借着一时的疼痛开始哭泣,先是抽泣,之后变成号啕大哭,一直到她把姜平沾满垃圾的信捧在怀里,冲出Roger家,钻进一直在楼下等她的专车。

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